"You're dead George, you just don't have the sense to lie down." Gradey walked in a slow circle around the trembling body, its face half gone. The dark half of George's face, the side with the eye and the remnants of the mutilated nose, stared blankly at the blood-spattered ground.
Gradey looked past George's blown-off shoulder. The moon was rising over four buildings, vacant and in pieces. They were towers of what seemed like moldy sheet-rock and shattered windows encircling the war-stricken courtyard where Gradey circled George on that moonlit evening.
But the moon didn't even seem beautiful that night.
A ray of light struck the courtyard. Gradey winced when the brightness hit his eyes. He was so used to the dark.
The light came again. It pierced the ground.
A ray of light struck the courtyard. Gradey winced when the brightness hit his eyes. He was so used to the dark.
The light came again. It pierced the ground.
To be continued...
LZ
Eleanore, this is a chillingly good example of how frightening a few words can be. I seriously get chills when I read this piece. Your words are slow and circular, just like Gradey's haunting walk around George. You've layered this piece beautifully (beautifully?). There's the physical terror of the concentric circles--one man, another walking circles, a circle of decimated buildings, a moon rising shedding light on the scene. There's the psychological terror: OBVIOUSLY these characters know each other. Gradey is NOT frantically trying to get George to stop bleeding. George is not dead. Why is there such calm in the center of such chaos? There's the incredibly artful SUBTLE line: "...the side with the eye..." implies there is no other eye. Dang! Really good, Eleanore. I want to know who these two are to EACH OTHER. That's the haunting part to me. Great, balanced writing. Me
ReplyDeleteOkay that story ave me the goose bumps the first time you read it to me!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLOGY
Eleanore, did you put "blown off shoulder" in small words on purpose? OF COURSE the moon wasn't beautiful that night. Over all? Creepy. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYacob