The fog hung dauntingly below me.
I swallowed and my stomach tensed, released, and tensed again. I felt like I was about to throw up.
I tried not to look down but I did.
The rock cliff, white and torn, plummeted into the fog and down a thousand feet to the ground.
My trembling left hand squeezed the cold cable even harder.
Frances whimpered behind me.
My mom’s shaky voice started to sing, “Just put one foot in front of the other.”
My dad walked slowly, leading us past the shrines carved into the rock protecting the quivering candles and the memories of all the people who have fallen to their deaths.
The path on which we walked was narrow and slippery. It led us up, up, up the Untersberg.
Halfway up I crouched in a small cave and asked myself why I decided to do this. We could have retraced our steps down ladders, over creeks, and through patches of forest. Back down to the city of Salzburg. But my dad had said that would be even more dangerous.
I stood up and decided there was no going back now.
But time was like a mourner, passing slowly by the shrines and by us.
Each step lasted forever.
Then, at last, my eyes saw flat. Then, a few scattered trees. Then grass! Then I stepped onto real, solid, flat ground!!!
My mom sighed and giggled with relief. Frances sat down on the grass. My dad was just so happy that no one fell. I was so glad to see that everybody else was so happy but no matter what, I could not stop shaking.
The four of us walked over to a little hut and I ordered the second latte I have ever had--and it was fully caffeinated.
Eleanore
LZ that was awesome I really like the part when you order you "secord latte ever" and that it is "fully caffinated!" good job
ReplyDeleteEleanore, I know you worked hard on this...Isn't it funny how you can only get to a certain place in your notebook and then clarity REALLY comes on the screen? That's the way it is for me. Something about seeing "nearly published" makes you get meaner and leaner. I really like how you start with the fog. It sets a great (eery) tone. I love how your hand grasps the cold cable. And as we talked about, I LOVE that you are "above" your body--out of it. Body parts are moving and you're noticing them move. I like very much how you described the line-up of people in simple sentences. Almost like you're breathless even in the writing. Nice job, generally speaking, transporting us into your fear. Finally, good job working out that metaphor of the mourner...that was the sweaty work I wanted! :) Good, intense piece
ReplyDeleteEllie, you can post comments! Yay! Carolyn
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat country are you in? This is a great post.
ReplyDeleteCody N : )
A latte? ...are you kidding, sounds like you had enough adrenaline to keep you awake for a week after that adventure. :0
ReplyDeleteVERY GOOD JOB!
Sandy N
Hi Cody, we were in Austria. It was the last few days of our France trip a few springs ago. See you tomorrow!! LZ
ReplyDelete"fully caffeinated" hahahahahaha, great story it even made my stomach churn just by looking at the picture!
ReplyDeletelogy
i have heard that story before, dear ellie. but this time it took a turn to a more picturesque quality. your words were like pictures. although i was so afraid for you i reminded myself this is a "story" now and you are home.
ReplyDeletelove, grommy