Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Alley
It is a crisp fall morning. The warm sun is gleaming on my neck and the old worn down light post is groaning as if he is about to fall down. Everything is silent except for the faint roaring of the river and the quick clapping of my flip-flops. I start walking up a strange alley that smells of ski wax. Everything is echoing and I can't make out the sounds. It sounds like....... I'm.... underwater! Everything is a blur. I reach the end of the alley and shoot back to reality. Cars are zooming, semi trucks are honking their horns , a crazy old man is playing the guitar. I keep walking, but for some reason I don't "feel" like I'm walking. I look down at my feet and I am hovering 6in. above the ground! I start "gliding" down the street. I am watching the gravel flash by below my feet when...... I feel dozens of little prickles all over my face and body. I slam into a thorn bush! I look down and I'm no longer hovering, I'm back in the alley and everything is a blur....
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Logan! Nice! I love this best: "Cars are zooming, semi-trucks are honking their horns, a crazy old man is playing the guitar." I love the combination of sounds/things. It's so gritty and city! I love how you're brave enough as a writer to take us into a fantasy space. Walking above ground, gravel flashing (wow, what a combo of words!) below your feet...It's very brave writing. And you pull it off. Your first sentence is such a psych. So simple, so general. And then, wham, you hit us with your flair. Nice job! We'll talk more Friday! Great job. Carolyn
ReplyDeleteSooooooooo, Logan. :)
ReplyDeleteThat was a really good piece of writing! I, personally, like the part when you are "hovering" above the ground. The way you wrote it made me feel like I was hovering above the ground.
LZ
From blur to blur. AWESOME! When you felt the prickles, first I was like what? then I was like huh? then I was like OOOOHH! when I reed the rest. I liked the whole piece.
ReplyDeleteYacob